Clenching for life

 Hey, what's good?!

Psst...psst.. anyone out there? Lol, I don't expect anyone to actually be.

Moving on, my life this period as been kind of a blur. It's not what I could have imagined you know, with big dreams and all. It's starting to look like the m-word.... "mediocre", yikes!

Well, I guess there are a lot of things that could have resulted in that. I think one factor is the loss of grit, you know that relentless spirit in you that doesn't let you give up or stop fighting no matter what, yes, that's it...grit! I think I've lost that in this period of my life. I also feel the major cause of this is I've stopped dreaming, or I don't remind myself of the dream well enough as I should so I'm losing the big picture, the big picture that has been constructing this little bits of pieces I'm currently in. It's time for me to dream again, to see that picture, to visit the life I want for myself. Thank God I don't have to wait so long to see that picture. Thank God I have the power of imagination and I can take a mini trip there at will. Hell, I wish I could live there. I wish I could be teleported into that world, never returning, yikes.

Anyone feels like that? Sometimes, it feels like the world around us becomes so suffocating that's nearly killing or maybe it is, maybe you've been fighting so desperately for air, and it's your grit that's still keeping you. Sigh! It's like the battle never ends, i's like the fight never stops. Even when you decide to leave the dream alone and settle for mediocrity, it starts to hunt you. You start to hunt you!

Almost like future you travels back in time to meet present you and starts crying out "Why have you done this to me! Why have you buried me alive! I'm a walking dead". Is it just me or I'm starting to sound a bit creepy here, lol. I'm sure you get what I mean though.

So what's the current solution? What's the tangible thing I can do right now?

I think first is to wake up the dreamer, the sleeping giant! You know who I'm talking about, you know that picture I'm referring to. You might even be catching a glimpse of it as you're reading this. Uhun, yes, that's it. Lol, don't lose sight of it. Okay, take 5 minutes and just let yourself loose, let your mind run willllddd! Yesss, enjoy the space, just breathe in that space, Can you feel it like I am, it feels relieving. Like I can feel my dying body, catch on to some Oxygen, oooo, it feels like life. It feels like hope. Do you know what I see? I see the future me, grabbing out her hand and reaching for present me and I grab on to that hand with the little life, with the little strength I have inside me. I feel her drawing me out of the dark place. I feel her releasing some more life inside me. Thank you Tobi.

Anyways, if you want to talk, rant or release, just send an email to "taiwo.tobi15@gmail.com".

Till next time! Bye!